July 04, 2011
Beaten Wimbledon Ladies Singles finalist, Maria Sharapova has been outed as the mystery buyer of a £10,000 terraced house, on Pritchard Street, in Burnley, Lancashire.
It is an established fact that Maria Sharapova has a massive fan base in the Lancashire mill town, and that she wanted to buy a retreat for herself, where she can relax and be among friends.
The property, listed as being possibly the UK's cheapest house, by no less an authority on such matters than The Daily Mail is in need of extensive renovation and refurbishment, but it is within easy walking distance of Scott Park, which conveniently has some tennis courts.
Locals in the BNP biased town welcomed the prospect of Miss Sharapova moving to Burnley, even though she is Russian.
"At least she's not from Pakistan," one local halfwit remarked.
Sources close to Miss Sharapova today revealed that she plans to extend the modest terraced dwelling by constructing a £6 million underground complex underneath it.
"She's going to have an underground ballroom with chandeliers and that," one local explained. "Apparently she's been emailing some idiot down south called Martin Shuttlecock, and he's going to draw up the plans with a pencil, on the back of a fag packet. Seems he's a leading authority on underground extensions, and we think it'll help promote the town in a more positive light."
However, local BNP councillor, Ted Slocombe stated that he had reservations about Miss Sharapova moving to the town, but said that he thinks he can overcome his prejudices on account of Maria Sharapova being white, blonde, and in his own words: "Fit as a butcher's dog, and well worth pinning a tail on."
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